To be scattered in thoughts and in way is often considered a pointless state of being.  Unfocused, undisciplined, all over the map in one’s mind is not something to particularly strive for but at times it is a reality. Right now it is mine.  

Scattered thoughts, dreams, prayers not for any one reason or the other, it’s just where I am, it’s who I am.  

So what does this scattered place say of me? What does it mean?  Does it render me inadequate, am I now considered pointless? If my mind is everywhere can God still reach me ? Can He still speak to my heart, guide my spirit, use me for a greater purpose?

I suppose it depends on which voice I choose to believe.  The voice that roars self-condemning judgement or the Voice of God that lovingly whispers,  I am here.  I am with you.  In the midst of your scattered map I will lead you with purpose right back to My loving arms.

I think I’ll choose the latter.

“Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” 

– Romans 8:39

Red check marks, underlines, circles and highlights represented a problem that required correcting as a young student from my teachers.  The crimson color reminded me that improvement was needed.  It was a good thing. Wasn’t it?

As I grew, I adopted my own red marker nature.  Inwardly check marking the areas of needed improvement within myself as well as those closest to me.

The marker became a way of life, keeping me on the edge of subconscious judgement.  Stirring feelings of discontentment because corrections always need to be made. Don’t they?    

Not good enough, check.  Needs improvement, underline.  Doesn’t meet requirements, circle. Can do better, highlight.  

How did I become such a red marker prodigy?

I wonder, what would happen if I dropped the marker I’ve grown so accustomed to carrying?  

If I actually released the inner tool of correction and proceeded on with life and interactions without it,  would I still grow, mature, learn, improve? Would others?

Would being completely marker-less be a catastrophe?  Or might it allow for a new found freedom?

Perhaps it’s time to drop the marker and find out.

I don’t look for chaos, in fact when I see it coming, I run hard the other way.  Yet, there are seasons in life that no matter how far I run, chaos finds me. Like winds of a developing tornado, circumstances start out small, maybe a little gusty and then without warning picks up speed. Tornados grow faster, stronger, more powerful and quickly consume everything in sight.

With literal tornado’s it’s recommended to take cover but with personal tornados of chaos the only way to really survive is not to run and hide, but to face the whipping winds of chaos head on.

Why?

God is in the eye of the tornado just as much as He is in the calm that comes after.  When the dust settles, things may look different than they once did but the opportunity to start again with a fresh perspective will be there.

Chaos-ful 

Fully embrace the chaos, as God takes your hand and walks you through.

MY FIRST TRY at Palette knife painting needs much improvement but it was loads of fun…

LET ME TELL YOU—While I really couldn’t reflect it in the painting, Each boat represents a verse in a song I heard at church today that I really like.:

“I raise a Hallelujah”

1st boat= I raise a hallelujah, louder than the unbelief

2nd boat= I’m gonna sing, in the middle of the storm

Third boat= I raise a hallelujah, my weapon is a melody…

Yep my painting skills may need help… Bur Whether it’s a good day (like today) or a not so good day… I always want to remember to raise a hallelujah.

When we moved into our home two years ago there were two huge pine trees with lush green needles in our neighbors yard that oversaw our yard. Whenever I looked at the vibrant trees,so full of life and beauty, I instantly felt happy. But something changed along the way.

For some reason, a few months after moving in the rich green needles on the pine trees began to die off.  I assumed they would turn green again but they never did.  Two years later, all that remains on the branches are dull, brown, crunchy needles with seemingly no life in them at all.  Now when I look at the pine trees overseeing our yard I just feel a bit sad.

That familiar feeling hit me again when drinking coffee in my backyard a few mornings ago. I glanced at the lifeless-looking pine trees with its dried up needles and branches and wondered, What purpose do these trees have now?

The answer came swiftly when I looked up.  There, at the very tip-top of the brown pine trees were a handful of birds perched on the branches.  They were chirping and fluttering about, enjoying what God had provided them without any apparent sadness over the lack of green pine needles.  As I continued watching, the birds took turns weaving in and out of the twigs and from what I observed, they were having the time of their lives and more importantly they seemed content.

It dawned on me then, that while the outside of the pine trees did not look the way it once did, though now they appeared dry and lifeless, in truth, the trees are actually bigger than they were when we moved in which could only mean one thing,  Despite outward appearances my neighbors pines trees have strong, beautiful life growing on the inside of them.  The life inside them cause them to stand tall and firm and also give the birds a special place to enjoy with ease.

All this time I had been focusing on the wrong thing.  I looked only at what seemed dull, brown or dying on the trees instead of focusing on the deeper beauty growing on the inside.  With the right focus, I would be just as content as the birds.    If they figure it out, it was time that I did too.